You Saw My Blinker Bitch

{March 21, 2010}   Juicy

My dear friend Uncouth Heathen is like, a blog posting fanatic. She’s quite good at what she does and, quite frankly, I’m proud to count myself among the throngs of her devoted followers.  I have toyed with the idea of blogging for some time now, and what with the being unemployed and all right now she suggested that this may be the right time for me to get started. Whatever. I’m only doing it because her wife plied me with booze.

So, lets see…things to know about me. I am a raging alcoholic, and of course straight up GANGSTA. Or as Gangsta as one can be when they grow up in middle class Seattle. I am a single parent to the greatest punk ass 11 year old you will ever meet. Really. I’m not just saying that because he’s my kid. Most of the people I know think he’s a punk ass too. Or great. You decide. I have great aspirations to become a Registered Dietitian and attend Bastyr University one day. Right now that is all out somewhere on the horizon as I need to find me one of them there job thingys that people have. Oh yeah, and because I don’t have one I am in the process of vacating my residence. It’s a mutual agreement between the landlord and myself as we both would LOVE to avoid, you know, court proceedings to evict me.

Life isn’t all bad, but not as gangsta as it could be. Sure I don’t have a job, my kid and I are homeless, and my debt pile grows each and every day, but I am yet to bust a cap in anyone’s ass (although I did find a full box of ammo while packing my shit up today). I am extremely lucky to have my Lady Gay’s, and my family to support me as many of them have extremely comfortable couches for me to sleep on in the coming days, weeks, months, and well we’ll just see how long this chapter lasts.

I can not guarantee anything with this blog dear reader. I can’t say I’ll write in any sort of style (or even with any flair for writing) or focus on any one subject. My mind, and actions, are such that I start in one direction and sharply veer in another without any warning. For the most part there is a rational train of thought, but by the time any of you figure that out it’s too late and I’ll have jumped somewhere else entirely. It’s exciting, and it’s me. I’ve not lost any friends for that…yet. In due time you’ll get used to it. I mean, my son’s been working on it for like 11 years now but that doesn’t mean you won’t be smarter than a sixth grader and catch on sooner.

My son just asked if he could eat me. Um, no. You should also know I have an incredibly dirty mind, and I am in TEARS over that one I’m laughing so hard. Good times.

I’ll leave you with this tidbit: I have a valley-girl-Canadian accent. Nobody knows where it comes from, but many attribute the Canadian to my unnatural obsession to Degrassi.


Linsey says:

Welcome to the Internet, you dirty whore.

Janie says:

Welcome to the blogosphere! Have fun!

Yeah, thanks bitches. Maybe one day someone other than the two people I’m in the same room with will actually read it and care. Until then y’all are good. After that you know what’s up.

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